


Choking On Our Halos

by Synnerxx



Series: How We Love [2]
Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Heartbreak, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 18:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1034968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete asks for something Patrick never thought he would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choking On Our Halos

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I'm doing that thing where this fic will be a part of a 'verse and there will be at least three parts that actually come before it and at least one part that comes after this one, so you know. Whatever. XD
> 
> ETA: Set roughly ten years after "Close My Eyes For A While". So right around now. Save Rock N Roll still happened, but pretend they already toured in support of it.

When Patrick gets home that night, he's surprised to find the house empty and silent. He toes off his boots by the door and shrugs out of his jacket, hanging it on the back of a chair in the living room as he passes by. It's clear when he reaches the bedroom that Pete isn't home. Patrick had thought that, by the time he had finally left the studio, Pete would have cooled down and they could talk things over and work them out. Pete had apparently thought differently. The half empty closet and the wrecked dresser says that much. 

Patrick heaves a sigh and sits down on the edge of the bed, the headache he'd had all day getting worse. They've been fighting so much lately and it's really starting to wear him down. All he wanted to do this evening was apologize and make things better between him and Pete and now Pete's gone and Patrick doesn't even know where he is. 

Patrick digs his cell phone out of his pocket and calls Pete. He gets two rings before it heads to voicemail and he knows Pete rejected the call. He sighs again and lets his phone drop onto the bed. He climbs to his feet and starts to pace, running his fingers through his hair, knocking his hat to the floor. Something glinting silver on top of the dresser catches his eye and he squints at it for a moment before realizing that it's Pete's wedding ring. 

Patrick stares at the ring for a long moment, tears stinging his eyes and throat closing up, hot and tight, before picking up his phone again and calling Pete. It goes straight to voicemail this time and Patrick chokes out a sob as it beeps. 

"Pete, please call me. Please come home. I'm sorry. So sorry. Just please. I can't..." Patrick trails off, another sob catching in his throat. He hangs up, dropping his phone to the floor as he reaches out with shaking fingers to pick up Pete's ring. He's never seen Pete without it. Pete's never taken it off, not even for photo shoots when the photographer had asked it of him. He'd always politely decline, saying it was too important to take off. 

Patrick turns the ring over and over in his hands. His heart breaks all over again and he stares at the half-empty closet and thinks that maybe Pete doesn't plan on coming back. Suddenly, it's hard to breathe and he gasps, still sobbing, collapsing onto the bed. He buries his face into Pete's pillow and cries, heaving sobs out until his throat aches and he can't breathe through his nose. His eyes are hot and swollen, and his headache is ten times worse. 

He cries until he runs out of tears and he can no longer speak. He holds onto the ring and finally passes out from exhaustion, even though the overhead light is still on and he's fully clothed. It's the first time he's slept without knowing where Pete is. It is not an easy night.

He wakes up the next morning groggy with his headache still firmly in place. His fingers are so stiff from being curled around the ring that he's not sure he'll even be able to play the guitar today. He picks up his phone from the floor and winces when there aren't any calls or texts from Pete. Pete is shutting him out and he's doing it very well.

Patrick manages a shower and, after he's finished, puts on a pot of coffee. He sinks down into a kitchen chair and puts Pete's ring carefully onto the table. He calls Pete again and gets his voicemail once more. He doesn't leave a message. Pete won't listen to it anyway. He'll only delete it. 

The front door opening makes him hope that it's Pete, but it's only Gabe, who smiles apologetically at him. 

"How are you doing, Patrick?" Gabe asks softly, pulling Patrick into a hug.

"Not well." Patrick mumbles into Gabe's chest.

"If it makes you feel any better, Pete's over at my place." Gabe offers, pulling away slightly to look at Patrick.

"Has he said anything about coming home?" Patrick asks, looking up at Gabe.

"Nothing that I wanna repeat to you. Sorry." Gabe squeezes Patrick's shoulder.

"What are you doing here then?" Patrick turns away, heading for the kitchen.

"He asked me to pick up some things. I'm sorry, Patrick. You know how he is. You just gotta give him a few days and then he'll come back to you. He always does." Gabe says, following Patrick.

"I don't think he is this time. He left his wedding ring here." Patrick gestures at the table where Pete's ring is sitting.

Gabe blinks, clearly shocked. "I'm sorry. I know that's not enough, but I really am, Patrick. But you know he loves you. Don't doubt that." 

"He took off his wedding ring, Gabe. He left it here. What else am I supposed to think? You can say that this is him throwing a tantrum, but I know better. This is him sending a message and I guess I fucking got it. Loud and clear. I just didn't think it was a message I'd ever have directed at me." Patrick drops down into a chair, tired and worn out from his sudden burst of anger.

"He's angry right now. Let him be angry for a while and, once he's over that, he'll come back to you." Gabe tries again, taking a seat as well.

"I don't think he wants to come back. I want him to come back so bad, I can practically taste it, but I don't think he's happy. With me. I mean, I don't know. I just want him back and I want him to put his ring back on because he shouldn't have taken it off. It's all so wrong now and I don't know how to fix any of this." Patrick can feel the tears welling up in his eyes again.

"You guys have just hit a rough patch. It'll be fine. I know it seems bad now, but it'll be okay." Gabe pats Patrick's hand, trying to be comforting and supportive. 

Patrick snorts, shaking his head. "It's more than that. We've been fighting so much lately. It feels more than just the normal rough patches. I mean, we've had them before. This is just so much worse. After all, Pete's never taken his wedding ring off since the day I put it on him."

Gabe doesn't really know what to say to that, so he pats Patrick's hand again and makes vaguely soothing noises. 

"You want some coffee?" Patrick stands up abruptly, turning away from Gabe.

"Um, sure." Gabe blinks.

Patrick busies himself with making the coffee and doesn't say anything else on the subject. He doesn't turn around to face Gabe until he's holding two coffee mugs. He puts Gabe's in front of him on the table and sits back down, hands curled around his mug. He stares down into the cup as if his coffee holds all the answers to the world. Gabe sips at his, watching Patrick over the rim of his mug. 

"Sorry, I don't mean to keep you and involve you in all of the shit between Pete and I." Patrick says finally, glancing up at Gabe.

"Hey, it's what I'm here for. If you need to talk or vent or whatever. I'm here for both of you, Patrick." Gabe says softly, setting down his mug and reaching out for Patrick's hand again, giving it a light squeeze.

Patrick manages a weak smile. "Thanks, Gabe."

"Anytime." Gabe gets up and heads further into the house to collect the stuff that Pete wanted while Patrick stays at the table, not wanting to know what Pete wanted from their house because it only meant that Pete wasn't planning on coming back from a while.

Gabe gets everything packed away into his car and heads back into the kitchen with Patrick, finishing the last of his lukewarm coffee. He rinses out the mug and puts it into the dishwasher as Patrick slowly drinks his own coffee.

Gabe squeezes Patrick's shoulder. "If you need me, I'm only a call or text away." 

"I know. Thanks." Patrick smiles over his shoulder.

"Anything you want me to pass along to him?" Gabe asks before he leaves.

Patrick bites his lip. "Just tell him that I miss him and I'm sorry." 

Gabe nods, says goodbye, and is gone.

Patrick scrubs his hands down his face and pushes his chair out from the table. While it had been nice to see Gabe for a bit, his absence only makes it clear how empty and silent the house is. 

Patrick gets up and heads back into his bedroom. He leaves Pete's ring on the table because he doesn't want to look at it anymore. It just glints up at him, mocking him because it's not on Pete's finger where it belongs. He doesn't know if it ever will be again.

He drops down onto the bed, curling around Pete's pillow. His phone lands on the bedspread next to him. He aches in ways that he's never ached before. He didn't think it was possible to be in this much pain with no physical injury to cause it. He's aware that he sounds like a teenaged girl, but maybe they're right with this whole heartbreak thing. There really isn't a feeling quite like it in the world. 

He doesn't cry again though. He refuses to cry. He's done crying. Now all that's left is to either work things out with Pete or let things go. He can make it through this pain. It's not the end of the world. It's just the end of his world for a little bit. He can rebuild. At some point in the distant future. Maybe. He's not sure he knows how to go on without Pete in his life. But that's all just vague speculation. After all, it's just a rough patch. They've had them before and they'll work it out just like they have every other time.

What if this time they don't? What if Pete's had enough, reached his breaking point, and decided it just wasn't worth it anymore? Patrick's pretty sure the last fight had been his fault. He had stayed too late at the studio again and missed Pete's romantic date night again. He seemed to be doing that a lot. It wasn't totally his fault. Time just had a way of escaping him when he was in the studio.

Pete had been angry and Patrick had been tired and frustrated after a long day in the studio and one thing led to another. Words were slung about in the worst kind of way. The raised voices quickly escalated into screaming and Patrick doesn't even remember most of what was said. He does remember the look of absolute anger and resignation on Pete's face though. Like Pete had given up on him, given up on them. Like he was defeated and it was all Patrick's fault.

It seems like all they did recently was fight. They screamed at each other more than they said I love you. They found reasons to avoid one another when the anger boiled over and not even a screaming match could help. It didn't help that their schedules hadn't been meshing well lately and the tabloids were all over them and reporting that someone was cheating and they had broken up and their love life was in shambles. 

Patrick supposes that they're right now. His love life is in shambles and, for the moment, they are broken up. Although you can't really break up in a marriage. That just leads to divorce and Patrick's sure that it's not that bad. Despite whatever message Pete was trying to send by leaving his ring here, Patrick's sure that divorce isn't one of them.

Patrick suddenly has the desperate urge to hear Pete's voice, even if it is only his voicemail message and so he calls Pete again, hoping that he answers, knowing that he won't.

Surprisingly, Pete does answer. 

"What." His voice is flat.

"I...I didn't expect you to answer." Patrick stutters out.

"Well, I did. What do you want?" Pete asks, an edge of irritation threading through his voice.

"I'm sorry." Patrick says, clutching at the phone.

"You're always sorry." Pete sneers.

"I know I fucked up. I know everything's been shit lately, but I want to fix this. Just tell me it's not too late to fix this, Pete. Please." Patrick pleads.

"I don't know, Patrick. I really don't know if there's anything left to fix." Pete says, sighing.

"Please, Pete." Patrick chokes out.

"I don't wanna talk to you." Pete says and then hangs up. 

Patrick's phone beeps in his ear, signaling the end of the call.

The phone slips from Patrick's fingers and he takes a shaky breath, struggling not to cry. He doesn't fall apart this easily. He doesn't cry every time he and Pete fight. If he did, he'd have spent half of his life in tears. But everything just seems so much more intense because Pete _took his goddamn ring off._

He lays down and doesn't get up for a while after the phone call.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

The next few days pass in a blur. Pete doesn't answer any of his phone calls, texts, or emails. Patrick can't say he's really surprised. Gabe, Joe, and Andy all come by to see him. He doesn't talk to them about how he feels because he doesn't want to and they don't push the subject. Gabe doesn't really offer any information on Pete other than he's fine physically. Emotionally, Gabe can't really tell because Pete's burying himself in his side projects and work.

Patrick does the same, continuing his studio work. Just because his life if falling apart at the seams doesn't mean everyone else's is and there is always work to be done. He throws himself in it harder than ever and doesn't think about the fact that work is partly the reason for all the fighting him and Pete have been doing. 

He stays late at the studio, working himself past the point of frustration and exhaustion, so that when he gets home, the only things he wants are a shower and the bed. (He wants Pete too, but he's trying to be realistic here and with Pete still ignoring his attempts at communication, then he knows Pete isn't going to be waiting at home for him.)

He gets his shower and then collapses into bed, dragging the blankets around him and trying to ignore the empty space beside him. He falls asleep and doesn't dream. 

When he gets up the next morning, he shuffles blearily down the stairs and into the kitchen, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He's halfway through pouring himself a cup of coffee before he realizes that he didn't make it and that means there's someone in his house. 

He turns around slowly and finds Pete sitting at the kitchen table, watching him coolly. Patrick manages not to spill any coffee and finishes pouring it into his mug. 

"Pete?" Patrick asks, hesitantly, unsure if Pete is really there or if he's just dreaming.

Pete looks at him for a moment more before sighing. He sets his mug down and taps his fingers against the manilla envelope in front of him. "I need you to sign these."

"What are they?" Patrick asks, even though that's not the question he really wants the answer to.

Pete hesitates for a moment before meeting Patrick's eyes. "Divorce papers."

The mug slips from Patrick's numb fingers and shatters against the floor, sending hot coffee and shards of ceramic over his bare feet. 

Pete doesn't move. He watches Patrick, cold and detached.

One of Patrick's hands comes up to curl around the ring hanging from the fine silver chain hanging around his neck. It's Pete's wedding ring. Patrick had put it on the necklace for safe keeping, hoping he'd be able to give it back to Pete.

"Divorce papers?" Patrick finally manages to choke out.

"That's what I said. Sign them and then I can go." Pete says, shifting irritably in his chair.

"Pete, can we at least talk about this, please?" Patrick asks desperately, hand still clenched around Pete's ring.

"What's there to talk about? This marriage isn't working anymore and I refuse to pretend that it is. You can talk all you want, Patrick, but I'm done listening." Pete snaps.

Patrick flinches back against the counter, still standing in the cooling puddle of coffee and ruined mug pieces. His feet sting and he's pretty sure he has some cuts across the top of his feet, but right now, he doesn't care.

"Don't do this, Pete. We can work this out. It's not that bad." Patrick reaches out to Pete with his free hand.

"There's nothing to work out. Even if there was, I'm done trying to make this marriage work. It hasn't worked in a long time and it's not ever going to work again. So sign the fucking papers." Pete's voice is hard and cruel. 

Patrick knows very well how cold Pete can be to his exes. Has seen it himself. He just never expected to have that coldness, that cruelty, that indifference aimed at him. He never thought things would get this bad.

Patrick steps over the mess on the floor, wincing at the pain in his feet, and reaches for Pete again. Pete shoves his hand away. 

"I don't want to sign them." Patrick says softly.

Pete sneers at him. "Well, you don't always get what you want. I wanted a marriage that worked. I wanted to be with you forever, but look how that turned out."

"Please. We don't have to do this." Patrick pleads.

"We do. It's time to let go. Even I know that. This just doesn't work between us and there's no sense in dragging it out." Pete sighs, leaning back in his chair, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"I love you!" Patrick cries out, sinking to his knees beside Pete's chair. He can feel the tears welling in his eyes, but he doesn't care. 

Pete looks down at him, his eyes soft. He cups his hand around Patrick's cheek. "I think a part of me will always love you, 'Trick. But sometimes, it's just not enough of a reason to stay together. We're better off apart."

"I don't know how to be without you. I've spent the better part of my life with you. You can't ask this of me, Pete. This isn't fair." Patrick says, voice strained with the effort of holding back his sobs.

"And it's unfair to ask me to stay in this marriage, Patrick. Get up and sign the papers. I have a meeting in an hour and I don't want to be late." Pete takes his hand back and the softness in his eyes is gone, replaced by coldness.

"Is this really what you want, Pete? You've thought this over, thought us over, and the only possible ending you saw was this one?" Patrick asks slowly as he stands up.

Pete meets his eyes. There is no hesitation. "Yes."

Patrick nods. He pulls the envelope to him and picks up the pen beside it. He pulls the papers out and skims over it, the words blurring in his mind. He signs and initials all the proper places while Pete watches him and then slides it all back into the envelope and pushes it to Pete.

Pete picks it up and stands, leaving his mug on the table. Patrick doesn't look at him. He stares blankly down at the table top, a hollow feeling settling into his bones. 

Pete turns back to him just before he leaves the kitchen. "Goodbye, Patrick."

Patrick doesn't look up. He's numb and empty and this doesn't feel real to him. He lost everything in the space of a few lines and words. He reaches around his neck and, with slightly shaking fingers, unhooks the necklace and lets it drop to the table. He stares down at his matching ring before taking it off as well.

He sets it down next to Pete's ring and stares at them both. He never thought that Pete would be the one to ask for a divorce. He never thought he would either, but, if you got right down to it, in the back of his mind, he thought maybe if were to ever happen, it would be him. 

Pete's intense in ways that he isn't and sometimes that intensity scared him. He didn't understand how Pete could love him so much and put so much faith in him. He loves Pete, will never stop loving Pete. He doesn't think it's possible. He's been loving Pete in some form or another since he was fifteen. He doesn't know how to stop. He doesn't think he can.

He stares at the rings laying on the table and aches for what he's lost and for who he hurt. This was never supposed to be this way. Things were never meant to get this bad, this broken. He and Pete were never supposed to get divorced. 

It's such a hateful, ugly word. Divorced. It feels heavy on his tongue and tastes bitter. He hates that it applies to him. He hates that he failed Pete and himself and their marriage, their vows. He hates that this is the only option Pete saw when he thought of them. Mostly, he hates himself for letting things get this bad.

Distantly, he can hear his cell phone ringing in the bedroom, but he doesn't get up to answer it. The light from the kitchen windows spills over the rings and they glitter, highlighting the words on the inside. Patrick refuses to read the inscription on them. He aches enough as it is. He doesn't want to pour salt into his wounds.

He doesn't know what he's supposed to do now. He just sits and stares at the wedding rings laying on the table and thinks about what a mess he's made of his life. His phone goes off again and, at some point, he'll have to talk to people, let them know that he's at least still breathing, but right now it's all he can do to keep himself upright at the table. Talking to someone and saying the word out loud is too much for him to bear. It makes it too final. 

He wishes he had tried harder to make it up to Pete, to be a better husband, to give Pete another option besides this one, but he hadn't. He'd let the one person that meant everything to him down and that's all on him. He touches his wedding ring, finding it still warm from his hand and sighs. He almost wants to put it back on, but he's not that pathetic. 

He wants Pete to come back, throw the papers away, and put his ring back on. He wants to work this out because what he told Pete is true. He doesn't know how to be without Pete. Pete's been a constant in his life that he could always count on and, to not have that, has left him numb and hollow and aching. He doesn't know what to do or how to move on. He doesn't know if he even can. 

His phone rings again and he sighs. People might actually start showing up at his door if he doesn't answer it soon if Pete's told anyone. He finds he doesn't really care one way or the other. 

He wants Pete to come back, but Pete is the one person that's not going to come back. He's lost everything.

In the end, all he's left with is a broken heart and two wedding rings that have lost their rightful places.


End file.
